SEXY BONDAGE UNIVERSITY

DOM DOMINANT

Remember, this is being written from (my) the perspective of a male dominant with a long-term submissive female partner who enjoy frequent bedroom bondage and light bdsm sex. For different roles, genders, and intensities, we're pretty sure the same principles will apply.

 

Dominants have responsibilities. If you’re a dom, holding so much power over your submissive is a tremendous turn on. She’s restrained, you have unrestricted access to her body, and with her wrists tied to the bedposts (for example...), she can’t control or stop you. A very highly charged situation, and you'll have some intense, wicked times, feeling her struggle in bondage, resist, and ultimately surrender. Always remember, though, you’re responsible for her pleasure, safety, and enjoyment, so take care of your lovely submissive by honoring the limits and the guidelines you’ve established together.

 

Now that being said, there’s another, seemingly contradictory aspect to a loving dominant's role. You’re required to honor, yet also push your submissive's limits outside of her normal comfort zone, to reach previously-unknown levels of pleasure. It's a delicate balance, edgy, risky, thunderously exciting, and requires a keen awareness, because if you take things too far, the whole evening could blow up in your face; occasionally, that's exactly what will happen. Do not be discouraged. Sensitive perseverance is required, so take your time, venture slowly when you push the envelope, and start again when you've overstepped. Learn the difference between stimulation and frustration, pleasure and pain, willing agreement and reluctant condescension.

 

Vibrators and spanking go especially well with bondage, as they generate much more intense feelings when your submissive is tied up and unable to resist the sensations; a timely, smarting sting from the swat of a riding crop can spike the pleasure wildly. Remember though, nothing should ever hurt disagreeably; a little usually goes a long way. When your submissive resists certain positions, or degrees of tightness, ease back until she's comfortable; remember, you're building trust. And the more she trusts you to take care of her now, the more she’ll be more willing to let you take her even further outside her comfort zone later. Take it slow, it’s an incremental process. 
 

Here's a good example:
When we first started sexy bondage play, my wife Bianca told me that she got uncomfortably anxious when I tied her arms away from her body. So I only tied her arms close to her sides, and made extra sure she had a good time tied that way. As she trusted me more, she gradually let me tie her arms further and further apart...until we reached the point where now, she just stretches her arms (and her legs...) out wide, in happy anticipation of being blindfolded and tied fully spread-eagle! And I'm still pushing her comfort zone, making restraints just a little tighter each time, or using the crop a little harder, to maintain the edge.  

There's big rewards for taking things slowly and building trust. Being dominant in sexy bondage means dancing with your partner, with you leading. And a good leader always makes sure his dance partner follows gracefully; your partner’s enjoyment and safety are, quite literally, in your hands. Understanding that is a key to unlocking truly incredible erotic restraint experiences. Be vigilant with yourself - as a dominant, it’s all too easy to get carried away with swirling fantasies, and momentarily forget that you're dealing with a real live person (trust me on that...). Stay in communication, and keep your submissive's pleasure in mind. You’ve got the control, and she’s trusting you to show her a good time. She really has no other choice but to rely on you. Believe me, if you take this approach, your own pleasure is assured. So play nice…hard…and nice. Here’s one of our favorite ways to stay in communication: we sometimes create aloud, together, another bondage fantasy story, while she’s tied up. It’s very hot.

 

SUB  SUBMISSIVE
 

"Don't!"  "Stop!"  "Don't!"  "Stop!"  "Don't…stop!"  “DON’T STOP!!”

Again, let me remind you, this is being written from my male dominant perspective, relying on my wife and submissive of nearly 30 years, for insights and fact-checking my assumptions and assertions, which we believe apply universally.

 

First and foremost, and can never be said too often, be certain you completely trust your partner before submitting to them in bondage sex, since you will truly, really, be at their mercy. You must trust that they will honor your limits, and keep you safe. Once that's assured, you can have incredible, unabashedly thrilling experiences in erotic restraint.

 

As a submissive in bondage, you’re delightfully conflicted- you're exposed and more vulnerable than usual, but being tightly restrained, maybe blindfolded, maybe gagged, you're unable to protect yourself or stop anything from happening, you’re helpless and can’t resist, but you won’t easily surrender...and the struggle builds excitement and your ultimate release. Being tied up confers a permission to surrender, because once you discover that you can't escape, and will "have to" submit to your predicament, and surrender the intensely pleasurable feelings in an uninhibited way, because it's "…out of my control…!", and you couldn’t have stopped it anyway.

 

If you’re blindfolded, too, your remaining senses are enhanced, and your skin and genitals become more sensitive, and capable of delivering intense pleasurable sensations. And if you’re gagged, too, you’ve lost even more control, and your surrender will be deeper. The imagined fear of really being in such a predicament can add excitement and arousal, and your surrender to those intense feelings makes for an incredibly powerful sexual experience; your pleasure can reach levels that will astound you!  
 

Relinquishing control of your body and mind to another is an act that says you completely trust them to take care of you, and that they’ll pleasure you in the ways you like to be pleasured. Giving yourself in this way is very intimate, and can even be somewhat frightening, although there’s little real danger. Since you are actually helplessly bound, though, be clear that your needs and limits are known to your dom, and will be honored, so communicate, communicate, and let them know what feels good, and what doesn’t.

 

Being taken a out of your comfort zone is part of the excitement, and while some bound positions might seem uncomfortable at first, that restraint could be a gateway to enormous pleasures, so keep an open uh, mind. Most people tend to guard themselves against "too much" stimulation. But being restrained builds intense stimulation so surprisingly rapidly, it just blows past your guard...! There’s a lot of pleasure to be had in the submissive role.